Post #4: Our first excuse

Words, are so easy to use... yet............... ?

Yeah. If words are so easy to say, then why haven't we posted in weeks? I wonder the same too.

I've been blogging for a little more than two years now. My blog (which is in Spanish, btw) has been and still is, a faithful companion of my last couple of years' journey. Through it, I found a window to express my ideas, thoughts, longings, sadness, joy, anger, frustration, pain, hurt, tears, smiles, happiness, memories, emotions, feelings, pictures, phrases, and ultimately, my soul. That blog which I have kept abandoned for a few months now (with the exception of a note or two about my best friend's dad passing a month ago, and some grieving I express verbally) became more than a friend, a confident. And the good thing is, through that blog, I met real friends. Yes, a few guys who started reading my blog from far away places like LA, Atlanta, Colombia, and even Paris, France either came to Texas or I visited them, and we became "real" friends in person. Well, except the guy from France since that April day he would lay-over in Houston before flying back was the day after I met Carlee and I canceled all my plans to make sure I could ask the famous "so, can I see you again... today?" question.

Anyway, what I want to say is: blogs have proven VERY meaningful to me. A lot of how I look at life has been posted on my videoblog (or vlog for short) where I can be seen, heard, examined, and somehow, known. In specific times of loneliness and desperation friends I met (and many I hadn't yet met in person) felt they knew me through my words and were there for me when I needed them the most. A lot of that has been recorded on video and I even have a special b-day video they made for me (I used to hate b-days, until I got the best b-day present I never imagined). I couldn't believe how people I've never met decided to record a message for me and send their videos from Israel, Tokyo, France, Colombia, Mexico, LA, Atlanta, Houston to make me a reminder of how valuable I was, when I felt the most worthless. And also, I can't believe how close I feel to friends I've met once or twice, or spoken long distance to, because we have read each other's hearts and minds for days, weeks, months, years.

That is what a blog (or vlog) is to me. A window into the soul, a glimpse into the deepest parts of a human. An open door to the nakedness of my ugliest and hidden-most thoughts, emotions and truths. That's why I cannot get myself to write about the simple things of a day, or a week, unless I can use those moments to ponder at bigger question about my own existence, or even God's.

When Carlee and I decided to create this blog, it was hoping we could both share a record of our journey together, and at the same time, allow many of you, her friends and family, to get to know us as a couple, and me, as this "new" guy who unsuspectingly got into her life and won her heart. She loves to journal, and she gave me the confidence to keep doing the same with my videos and words: journaling. And I do want to share, and we will share.... but for now, time's too little to sit down and write, or even edit (sorry Les) videos.

Y'all know the reason, but I wanted to say: thanks to everyone who has read, and thanks to you, who still decide to come back and see what's new in my life, in hers, in ours.

And that is my excuse.... now, I wonder about Carlee's?